Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Yes, that is the official name of the drink. I think the "Diet" part comes in not the actual fact that there isn't any sugar in it, but in the exercise the mouth gets merely in saying the full name. Life tells us that the more important the title, the fewer the words- "President," for example, or to stay on the topic at hand: Coke or Pepsi. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, however, is more of the "Junior Reduction Libation Specialist." Notice even that has fewer words.
But the title aside, this drink completely confounds me. First of all, the minute I take a sip my entire brain goes completely numb due to the overload on the senses. I have read the Diet, and assume there will be a taste of aspartame. I have read the words Cherry and Vanilla, and assume there will be cherry and vanilla flavorings. I have also read the words Dr. Pepper, and assume that there is a slight hint of what I expect Dr. Pepper to taste like. So when I take my first drink, I am dumbfounded- I do not taste cherry, nor vanilla, nor Dr. Pepper, and while I'm sure there's some diet something in there, my brain cannot fathom what it is that I am taking in, so therefore it cannot discern between aspartame and whatever else might be running amuck in that can. I take another drink, figuring that it's worth another shot. Still nothing- I cannot tell what this taste is that I am swallowing, but I can tell you flat out it is nothing like the title suggests. It's not bad, mind you- but it's so confusing I can't tell if it's good, either.
So I am stuck with a case of this drink, which even I feel is a little effeminate. I cannot see ordering this in public- which is always important when marketing something- much less even carrying a can of it around. Men should not have this drink sitting on their desk at work- if you feel the need to have a sip, my suggestion would be to pour it into a cup and hide the can under some papers in your trash can. Women who wear pink, look like Barbie, or otherwise are known as "cute," you can drink this without a problem. Women who don't fall under the same category, know how to use a knife, or have ever scared a child, you can have a can of this on your desk to prove your femininity.
On the plus side, I have yet to finish a single can of this stuff. It is sweet even for me, the person who can easily take in a six-pack of Coke without a problem on any given day, a 12-pack if I'm studying or working late. Perhaps that is what they mean by the word "diet"- you only drink half of it, which, realistically means- 1/2 the calories!
My suggestion- go to a grocery store where no one knows you and pick up a 6-pack and try it for yourself. At home. With the shades pulled, and the door locked.
It'll be our little secret.
Works for me... I'll have to give it a try!
