Modern Laws

[JWR]

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers:

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath:

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers .

Law of Physical Surfaces:

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug .

Law of Logical Argument:

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance:

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking:

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy:

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law:

If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[glorff]

Gumperson's Law covers all of the above. It states:

The probability of anything happening is in inverse proportion to it's desirability.