The Security Guard Talks

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sun Dec 21, 2003 10:43 am

The place he or she work special door-readers register everyone who uses their key card and it appears on a screen is where it's at.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Sun Dec 21, 2003 10:46 am

And a real ghost joke for Soda (and everyone else).

One ghost saying to the other : "Are you yanking my chain ?"

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:00 pm

One ghost saying to another : "You look very colourful. Are you sick ?"

soda · Post by **soda** » Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:06 pm

In_Gabriel_We_Trust wrote:One ghost saying to the other : "Are you yanking my chain ?"

I hear there's an anime with a similar name that is really good.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:35 pm

soda wrote:
In_Gabriel_We_Trust wrote:One ghost saying to the other : "Are you yanking my chain ?"
I hear there's an anime with a similar name that is really good.

I've heard about it !

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Sat Dec 27, 2003 7:34 am

SEC STORY

Due to the importance of an event, security got upped for a one day from a standard seven to twelve guards. Under normal circumstances, simple call signs are used among the guards (“Position 2”, “Alpha” etc…). That day however, we received new call signs and I decided to get confirmation from the Chief.

Guard : My call sign is “Black Echo Seven”. Exactly how many Black Echo’s are there in this group?
Chief : According to my list, just you.
Guard : Wouldn’t it make more sense to change the call sign to Black Echo ?
Chief : I suppose so.
Guard : Come to think of it, how many Echo’s are there ?
Chief : According to my list, again just you.
Guard : Wouldn’t it be easier to change my call sign simply to “Echo” ?
Chief : I suppose so.
Guard : Who made this list anyway ?
Chief : The new Supervisor over there.
Guard : What’s his name ?
Chief : According to my list, he’s “Red Arrow Leader One”.

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sat Dec 27, 2003 7:34 am

Are we ever over normal circumstances simple call signs are used among the guards “Position 2” “Alpha” etc…?

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 3:04 am

One of my own failed attempts at motivational speaking :

" Do not forget, if something goes wrong, WE are the LAST LINE OF DEFENCE... right before those other seven lines...."

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:55 pm

Due to some recent hicups Management told us we now have to think before we act...
That's two changes at once... gonna be hard.

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:55 pm

That makes sense to me. That is something I haven't heard of.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:03 pm

It's been a while but I got a few new ones

Person : I'm here to see Mr X.
Guard : *after making the call* I'm sorry, it appears Mr X isn't near his phone at this point. Shall I try a secretary ?
Person : So when can I reach him ?
Guard : I'm afraid Security does not have access to the schedules of the personnel. But the secretary should know. Shall I contact her ?
Person : Is he in today ?
Guard : That is question I can't answer because I do not have access to his schedule.
Person : When will he be back ?
Guard : Again a question I can't answer because I have no access to schedules. *twitch twitch*
Person : Do you think he's on vacation ?
Guard : Can you see my hand, sir ? Do you notice it is reaching for my gun ?

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:08 pm

After the recent installation of a set of security doors, I had to deal with the following questions, to which I would have loved giving the following answers :

"Oh, have they installed security doors?"
"No sir, I'm David Copperfield and this is the illusion I've created."

"Do I have to use my electronic key card on the electronic reader of these new security doors?"
"No ma'am, these doors can be opened with any set of house or car keys."

"I worked on Monday till 5pm and those doors weren't here . And now, (Monday 8pm) the've been installed. When did they install them?"
"Actually sir, they've been installed 7 months ago. But due to a rift in the space-time continuum, they've just appeared 5 minutes ago."

"Is the way to my office still the same?" (the security doors are 100cm** in height )
"No sir, once you pass the doors you will be transporterd to the magical dimension of Bingie Bangie Bongie where you will have to solve puzzles and fight terrifying creatures in order to get to your office and back. Since you are obviously a newbie, I, The Dungeon Master, will give you the following clue : "Find the Blue Wizard and ask for the Necklace of Perpetual Stupidity."

**for those not familiar with the metric system, 100cm equals 14 cubic fathoms, I think.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Tue May 04, 2004 12:07 pm

Man : I'm here to see mr. Thomasson.
Guard : I can't seem to find him in the database. "Thomasson" you said?
Man : Yes "Thomasson".
Guard : Could you spell the name please?
Man : He's been here for years you know. I've visited him here several times and there never was a problem.
Guard : That's possible sir, however, could you spell the name please.
Man : *huge sigh* T-H-O-M- etc...
Guard : No, still don't have a match. Do you know his first name.
Man : It's Ulrich.
Guard : I've got one match for "Ulrich"... "Ulrich Sternbaum".
Man : That's him.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 4:24 pm

Man : I want to speak to the Master.

Guard : The Master ? The Master of what ?

Man : The Master of your company !

Guard : I suppose you mean the Director General ?

Man : No ! I want to speak to the Master !

Guard : (couldn't resist) Saruman ?

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 4:25 pm

Man : (over the phone) Can you stop the bus ?

Guard : (next to the company bus, there are also four city busses and a private bus service available) *looking at his watch and checking the schedules* What bus are you referring to, sir ?

Man : (angry) The company bus of course !

Guard : (looks at schedule) It's 17.35 sir. There is no company bus.

Man : (very angry) Of course there is. I take the 17.40 bus every night !

Guard : (looks at schedule) Could it be you take the 17.30 bus every night ?

Man : (more angry) I cannot believe your incompetence. How did you qualify for this job ?

Guard : I understand your anger, sir. Very unlucky you should fall upon the one security guard here who can't help you because he isn't a time travelling magician.